3 tips for introducing your new lover to your kids
To guarantee the smooth running of the new situation, parents need to take some precautions. It is never easy for a child, especially a teenager, to digest the new love of a parent. Many variables come into play and must be controlled.
During this process, each parent will face different situations that will require different approaches. Besides, the new partner should never replace the parent figure.
Getting the little ones to accept their new partner is not an impossible mission, but it is essential to proceed in small steps and with great tact on the part of all members of the new extended family.
let’s see how to introduce your new love to your children.
1) Proceed step by step
According to evolutionary psychologist Anna Oliviero Ferraris, after the end of a relationship, when you have children, you must take small steps. The moment of separation from parents has already been a traumatic event and it is best to proceed gradually. First of all, the meeting presentation with the children and the new partner must take place in the presence of other people.
This will allow you to discreetly observe the children’s reactions to their new partner without putting too much pressure on them. THE perfect time does not exist, but the important thing is to give your children time to accept this new person alongside their mother or father. Never forget that it is one thing to show respect to the new boyfriend/girlfriend, but it is another thing to accept him as a new parental figure.
2) Children’s age variable
In theory, according to psychotherapist Laura Pettenò, the loss of the daily routine of the family can only be accepted afterat least two years after the separation of the parents.
When we have not yet entered the adolescent phase, between 8 and 12 years old, it is easier for a child to accept this new situation of separation. It is best to avoid the intruder sleeping in the house as this could cause situations of great discomfort. With teenage children, it is advisable to keep outpourings to a minimum, as only they feel allowed to have a romantic relationship with their parents.
3) Never pretend to be a vice-parent
It is essential, based on one’s own experience, to always emphasize the unbreakable bond with one’s children with expressions such as: “your dad, your mom said”. This way, they won’t see the newcomer as someone who wants to take them away from their parents, nor as someone who wants to take their place.
Up to you…
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